A few years ago, my parents gave me The Amy Vanderbilt Complete Book of Etiquette (50th Anniversary Edition) for my birthday. I'll state the obvious: sometimes etiquette books can be really uptight. However, I have found it to be a very handy piece of literature to have around and I think everyone should have an etiquette book on their shelf. I don't sit around reading my etiquette book, but sometimes I pick it up and thumb through it for entertainment or if I need to consult with it regarding a newly arisen "issue."
My friend M. visited me yesterday and an etiquette issue came up about a wedding, so I whipped out my 786-page companion. I opened the book and the first page I came to was a section entitled, The Art of Communication: Etiquette in Conversation, and here is what grabbed my attention:
SAYING, 'LET'S GET TOGETHER' WITHOUT SUGGESTING A FIRM DATE: Sometimes you run into an old friend on the street, someone you're uninterested in, or who perhaps bores you. You may find yourself nervously saying, 'Let's get together. Call me sometime.' If you really want to get together, make a firm date. Don't ask the other person to assume the responsibility of contacting you. He'll see it for what it is: an excuse to avoid seeing him. (694)
I read this excerpt and blurted out, "Ohmygosh, I just did this last week!" and both M. and I busted out laughing. Then I felt like a horrible person because I didn't want the recipient of my verbatim phrase "let's get together" to be offended because I really do want to hang out. I'm also certain that I threw in "we could get coffee" as well, which makes it even worse because I don't ever go out for coffee. Most likely, my friend was not offended by this, but upon reading this excerpt, I immediately had a notion to email it to my possibly offended friend, make a funny comment about how uptight etiquette books are and write the following: I am not trying to avoid you, I honestly want to hang out; however, I was quite certain your life is busier than mine, so I thought it would be easier for you to pick a date (On second thought, why couldn't I have phrased it like that in person?)...I think I'll forgo the email and set a firm date the next time we bump into one another. How creepy is it that this is the first thing I saw when I opened the book, though?
Image: by Carla Coulson via French Essence
1 comment:
I do this constantly (in fact- I did it last night)! And hate myself everytime I do. Very cliche - I will force myself to set a date next time. On another note- it reminded me of an issue I have with "getting coffee."
Recently I was set up by a friend with a guy. Once we went in person we talked via facebook (I hate facebook for reasons like this - very impersonal for dating) he asked for my number (then waited a week to contact me via text.) He then asked me out for coffee. I persoanlly have a problem with this- coffee is not a date. And this makes my mind wander to another encounter where I made plans to go out with a guy and get drinks. I was uncertian how to take this - two new friends getting to know eachother, a date, totally unsure. So that brought up the issue of how do I offer to pay when it comes up not knowing if its a date or not. And I still dont know if it was a date.
Can that 786-page etiquette book help me out?!
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